Student's Questions 4 - What is imposter syndrome?

In this series, I respond to questions that I was asked as part of "I'm a Researcher, get me out of here". See my earlier post on the event for more detail on the event as a whole. Students in secondary schools asked questions about my research, experiences, and researcher life. There was much less time and space to talk about these questions / issues than needed to give a full picture. So, this series has more of my thoughts and reflections on those questions. I'll keep the editing to a minimum, so that this is a more organic process, maybe I'll even get a podcast or two recorded on this topic. Comment or contact me directly to pose new questions, and I'll aim to answer them!

Today's question;

What is imposter syndrome?

My plan was to write a longer post about imposter (or impostor apparently, depending on your persuasion) syndrome, and my own experiences of it. But, that will have to wait because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have just seen the kind of insensitive comment about imposter syndrome that helps only in making peoples imposter syndrome worse. I'll save the rants about where those kinds of people should shove things. What I'll do instead is cover what imposter syndrome is, for an early career researcher. 

These snippets are all part of my own experience these past few months, feel free to add yours in the comments. Perhaps then those looking down on people who have experienced imposter syndrome might begin to understand.

Imposter syndrome is...

Imposter syndrome is working for years to become an expert in your area, develop practical skills, and come on leaps and bounds in your quality of work; but, constantly feeling like you still ‘aren’t good enough’.

Imposter syndrome is knowing on a logical level that you are good at what you do, but psych yourself out of job applications because you do not feel good enough for that role, or, because you “know” that somebody more qualified / better will get the job anyway.

Imposter syndrome is judging yourself poorly every time a colleague posts that they have just published a new paper. Wondering why you cannot be as productive yourself. 

Imposter syndrome is getting rejection letters with no feedback and coming up with hundreds of reasons why you weren’t good enough for the job. Then realising that the reason is probably something simple like other people had more publications and would be higher on the list. Then feeling much worse because if that's the case then that is how every application is going to be received.

Imposter syndrome is kicking yourself for having such a long list of things you would like to learn. It's thinking that these are things that you have to learn to be of any worth to your research field. 

Imposter syndrome is having a super productive day/week, but as soon as you've congratulated yourself on doing the work, you assume that it's garbage.

Imposter syndrome is holding up a mask of "everything is/will be fine", because admitting that you're struggling is harder than shoveling it down deep. It's doing this so often that perhaps others assume that you are "so well-adjusted". 

Imposter syndrome gets worse when...

Imposter syndrome gets worse when you are not allowed to be included on a grant application (that you spent months writing) because you are “too junior”.

Imposter syndrome is propagated when asshats like @jim_bouldin say things like “if you’re obsessed with being an Imposter, then either get over it, or get out of it, one of the two… because maybe you shouldn’t be there in the first place”. Thanks for inspiring this post, I hope you get mauled by a ferret.

Imposter syndrome gets worse when we let people think that they need to be in the top 1% to be "successful" or on a more basic level to be employable. 

Imposter syndrome syndrome gets worse when keeping on the "I'm ok" mask becomes less of hiding your doubts, and more about trying to convince yourself that everything will work out.

Imposter syndrome gets better when...

When we receive congratulations on our hard work, and not deride them for not achieving enough, quickly enough, or for simply having doubts. (Thank you @t_awkr for praise() ).

When people like @StephEvz43 write "If you get imposter syndrome, you should ABSOLUTELY be doing what you’re doing because you CARE ENOUGH TO BE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PERFORMANCE". These positive messages need to be shared more

Hopefully when experiences like this are shared. Knowing that so many people experience these kinds of feelings that it's nothing to be ashamed of. 

Having support, any support. Family and friends are gold dust here. My wife is always a source of strength and support, even when I don't admit that I'm worrying or hurting.

That was quite cathartic, even if I am somewhat uncertain and apprehensive about putting this 'out there'. Its the first time that I've gotten some of these feelings out of my head, in any format. I'm hoping that anybody that reads this that is experiencing imposter syndrome understands that you're not alone. I hope that somebody reading this that has a poorer opinion of imposter syndrome will themselves "get over it, or get fired from a cannon out". This isn't a tone thing, this is supporting other researchers, especially early career researchers to let them know that they are doing a good job. Imposter syndrome is almost a direct by-product of the misaligned incentive structures and high competition in academia. But, maybe we can help each other a bit?

Thanks for reading, please remember that you're awesome.

- SP